My OCD – the one who knows me best.
I’m not okay. I learned just days ago I have this form of OCD people refer to as “Pure-O” and only mom has been informed. I don’t even think she knows how to deal with this and it’s in her field. I don’t blame her though seeing as this is fairly newly discovered. And also our family’s brand of crazy is not this kind. I just want to run away. Always have. I want to go where no one will know who I am.
Having Pure-O sucks. I try to act normal in the day and around people, but when I lie down for bed in the darkness and silence my world falls apart as the intrusive thoughts take control. In the morning I have to encourage myself to get out of bed and convince myself I can conquer my mind. But darkness always comes back and my throat threatens to close up on me. I tell myself to breathe as the tears begin to soak my pillow. No one will ever understand this I know, for my mind tells me so. Although I now know others deal with this, my mind still wins my vote. It’s been years of me and my mind alone so why should I trust words posted on a Facebook support page? My mind knows me.
Categories: The Wall