It breaks my heart to see OCD bullying my son.
My son (7 yrs) gets ready to play a football match for a professional team’s academy; he should be proud, excited and honoured. How do I explain to his coach that he is sat at home crying, desperately trying to find the courage to put his shoes on? They don’t feel right – the right one needs to be so tight it hurts; the left one less so. He can’t make them feel right. Playing football is his favourite thing to do, but he wants to give up and go to bed. He knows it’s irrational, he doesn’t understand how it can make him feel “so bad and scared”, but his life is full of these feelings. His shoes never feel right; he feels like he needs to adjust them with every single step taken. He fights this, and sometimes wins, but sometimes loses and is left a ball of mess. Crying alone, scared to touch anything or anyone. He doesn’t know why.
Everything has to be “just right” – his shoes, his desk, the cushions, the sofa, his siblings… the list goes on. Everything he does has to be perfect, or destroyed. He thinks of a drawing he’s done in a book, scared that it might not be perfect, and he can’t sleep until the whole book is destroyed. He walks round the house, making sure he doesn’t touch any cracks in the floorboards. If he does, he’ll be stuck there for a while trying to make it right. Everything he touches with his right side needs to be touched with his left side for longer; it’s easier for him not to touch anything.
OCD rules my little boy’s life at the moment. It’s breaking my heart and ruining his childhood.
Categories: The Wall