I feel compelled to have objects a certain way or angle because of a thought which haunts me: that I love one of my children more than the other if I don’t.

That is just one of many thoughts that has had a huge impact on my life, from childhood I had always been afraid of death therefore I had thoughts of close relatives and myself dying. As I got older I grew more aware of my compulsions and tried to stop them, after a while my brain would find something else to taunt me with. As a teenager I feared I was bisexual, when I was pregnant with my daughter I felt the need to bleach all the side boards a certain way so many times or something terrible would happen to my unborn daughter, later on when I had my son I have had the thought that I love my daughter more than my son (which in my heart I know isn’t at all true).

When I just start to think I have some kind of control over it the obsession changes.

OCD has always had an impact on my life I just wanted to share my experiences with others suffering.