I have to move my eyes in a circular motion until it “feels right,” about 30 times daily
I’m convinced I will die young because there’s no way my brain can continue to go this fast day after day. One day my whole body will just give out from mental exhaustion.
I try so hard to be flexible and easy going. I wish I could let things go and not overthink them and not care what others think. If someone looks at me the wrong way, I immediately assume they think I’m a disgusting human being. I get nervous walking into rooms full of people because I think they have been saying horrible things about me.
I need reassurance multiple times before I will believe something even just a little bit. I always assume people are mad at me. I apologize for almost everything I do, even if I did nothing wrong.
If a situation doesn’t go the way my brain thinks it should go, I begin feeling myself spinning out of control.
Although my OCD has affected me negatively in my relationships and at work, I continue to give in to my feelings and compulsions and I can’t stop. Oh, how I wish I could just stop.
Categories: The Wall