I struggle to tell the difference between suicidal obsessions and true suicidal thoughts.
When I’m well, I can tell that my intrusive thoughts are suicidal obsessions. When unwell, I can’t tell if they are obsessions or true suicidal ideation. I lose my ability to differentiate between the two. I get so confused and upset and then ruminate about whether I am suicidal or not, and whether I should be admitted to hospital.
Categories: The Wall
Thanks for sharing your story, Bronwyn, I can totally relate to this as well. I have had thoughts of killing myself and wondered “is this OCD or do I really want to?” It can be extremely tough. I hope you can find some clarity through some counseling or therapy.
Your symptoms describe me too! I don’t know if it helps, but you are definitely not alone and I’m so sorry it’s so hard. Someone recently posted a youtube video on this topic which helped me and there are lots of people who feel the same way and have advice in the comments.
CBT also helped me through some of the symptoms, so I hope there are ways for you to feel better too. You are helping a lot of people by being brave enough to post this – thank you xx