Salome, 25, Guam

My OCD – the one who knows me best.

Salome-no-textI’m not okay. I learned just days ago I have this form of OCD people refer to as “Pure-O” and only mom has been informed. I don’t even think she knows how to deal with this and it’s in her field. I don’t blame her though seeing as this is fairly newly discovered. And also our family’s brand of crazy is not this kind. I just want to run away. Always have. I want to go where no one will know who I am.

Having Pure-O sucks. I try to act normal in the day and around people, but when I lie down for bed in the darkness and silence my world falls apart as the intrusive thoughts take control. In the morning I have to encourage myself to get out of bed and convince myself I can conquer my mind. But darkness always comes back and my throat threatens to close up on me. I tell myself to breathe as the tears begin to soak my pillow. No one will ever understand this I know, for my mind tells me so. Although I now know others deal with this, my mind still wins my vote. It’s been years of me and my mind alone so why should I trust words posted on a Facebook support page? My mind knows me.

Categories: The Wall

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2 replies »

  1. The part where you say my “mind knows me” that is your OCD talking. You will see with time, medication and an OCD therapist that you are stronger than your OCD. You will take your OCD and kill it dead, dead, dead. I had it from the time I was 10 years to 34 years old. A horrible case that was compounded with a horrible depression. I am now 65 and symptom-free. If the meds don’t work the first time, there are plenty of medications. There are also other ways to deal with OCD. This bottom-dwelling feeder will learn who is boss.

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  2. Hang in there! I have this form too and it sucks. I recommend talking to Shannon Shy. He conquered his OCD, has a great Facebook page with daily support and does peer counseling for people around the world.

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