Julian, 25, New Jersey, USA

My brain will see random objects and conjure ways I should end my life with them.

julian-no-text

Often times my brain will see random objects and conjure ways I should end my life with them, no matter how obscure and random they are, and how I have no interest in killing myself.

I was diagnosed with OCD at 21 and suffer from mainly Pure-O (violent and sexual intrusive thoughts). I also struggle with dermatillomania, checking, counting, rereading and germs/contamination. I became a vegetarian in 2015 to avoid cross-contamination and salmonella because of how severe the rituals, obsessions and compulsions became. I now mainly eat only four foods (oatmeal, granola bars, sweet potatoes and tofu – sometimes fruit if I’m feeling adventurous). I struggle to use public restrooms and make sure to always have hand sanitizer with me to avoid contamination. I had to leave my ex partner and haven’t seen him since he got food poisoning and my mind determined him to be contaminated. Unless I do very intense ERP [Exposure and Response Prevention] I will never be able to be a father or take care of my family because of my fear of germs and illnesses.

 

Categories: The Wall

Tagged as: ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s