Julian, 25, New Jersey, USA

My brain will see random objects and conjure ways I should end my life with them.


Often times my brain will see random objects and conjure ways I should end my life with them, no matter how obscure and random they are, and how I have no interest in killing myself.

I was diagnosed with OCD at 21 and suffer from mainly Pure-O (violent and sexual intrusive thoughts). I also struggle with dermatillomania, checking, counting, rereading and germs/contamination. I became a vegetarian in 2015 to avoid cross-contamination and salmonella because of how severe the rituals, obsessions and compulsions became. I now mainly eat only four foods (oatmeal, granola bars, sweet potatoes and tofu – sometimes fruit if I’m feeling adventurous). I struggle to use public restrooms and make sure to always have hand sanitizer with me to avoid contamination. I had to leave my ex partner and haven’t seen him since he got food poisoning and my mind determined him to be contaminated. Unless I do very intense ERP [Exposure and Response Prevention] I will never be able to be a father or take care of my family because of my fear of germs and illnesses.


Categories: The Wall

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