An Unwanted Intruder

By Samantha, United Kingdom



Audio recording by Samantha

I lay there asleep in peace on my bed
Avoiding waking to confront the demon in my head
Loosing myself in my beautiful dreams
Feeling free, well, for what it seems
I wake and feel the constraint around me
Face to face with the monster that found me
Reeling out a list of rules I should follow
Each with a meaning that’s hollow
But as I do one, it makes me do more
If I ever missed one, it would yell as it saw
I obeyed every rule, scared of upsetting it
It knew it could own me, and I was letting it
Drained and tired from doing what it desired
I was its own personal slave it had hired
So consumed in the rituals I had to do
I was losing everything else that was true
My freedom was jailed
My love had frailed
Prisoned in a hell I hailed
Watching my love ones fall apart beside me
it was time I set light to the fire inside me
this presence was my enemy not my friend
And was a relationship I needed to end
I burnt my bridges and cut my ties
I ripped it apart and said my goodbyes
I have the freedom now to live my life and be free
But over my shoulder, I know it’s always watching me
Its shadow lingers in a distance
And whispers to me in its persistence
But I stand strong, you will stay a ghost, and I will walk past your existence

I have written poetry from a young age, it has always been an outlet for my very creative imagination. Writing a poem about my challenges with OCD helped me to disassociate myself from it, it also enabled me to look at the illness from an outsiders point of view.

Editor’s note:

Samantha’s poem is featured in a book, “Hope with OCD” that her mother Lynn has written and is available to pre-order here.

Categories: The Salon

3 replies »

  1. Only just seen your reply. Thank youso much for coming back to me. I think this project is amazing and thank you to all involved for all the work you put in.


  2. I really like this poem. I recently sent a Poem and voice recording to you and I know I am impatient but will it be in the Salon?and do you have any idea when? If it’s not good enough that’s ok but would really appreciate it if you could let me know. Many thanks

    Sent from my iPhone


    • Hi Nick, sorry your poem hasn’t gone live yet. Your poem is great too and we are looking forward to it going live very soon, within a week. The Secret Illness is an unfunded project that relies entirely on volunteers and sometimes those darn day jobs get in the way which means we aren’t always able to post submission straight away, so apologies to you and anyone else whose submission is still pending. We continue to be blown away by the incredible work being sent into us and we will do our best to get them live as soon as possible.


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