Charlotte, 20, Wales

I have to walk on the side of the pavement that’s closest to the traffic so there’s no possible way I can push anyone into the road.

charlotte-no-textI have to walk on the side of the pavement that’s closest to the traffic so there’s no possible way I can push anyone into the road. I do it to keep them safe from my irrational, intrusive thoughts.

My OCD leaves me with intrusive thoughts of violence, specifically me being violent to my friends and or family. My intrusive thoughts range from repeatedly stabbing someone with a knife, to pushing them in front of a moving vehicle.

My friends and family think it’s weird that I don’t step on pavement cracks and count tiles when I walk. I spend a good few hours a day checking the news for every city in the UK, then Australia, then America. I do this because it’s gives me a feeling of relief that I haven’t committed a crime.

My OCD is also the type where everything has to be in a neat, symmetrical order because if it’s not, something bad could happen to someone I like.

Having OCD isn’t quirky or a personality trait. It’s a real, debilitating illness often called the doubting disease, as it leaves people with constant doubt and fears that something they’ve done, will effect someone else in a negative way.

Categories: The Wall

1 reply »

  1. Hi, I think we have a lot in common as I can’t walk on pavement cracks either, need symmetry and neatness and I get violent thoughts! Lets be honest together and tell our therapists or loved ones, we gotta be supported through this, not thought of as ‘weird’! Stay strong x

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