One day I fear that OCD will take over.

I’ve written before to this board and I always find myself coming back. I feel like I go in and out of spurts where I can control my OCD and then times where I struggle. I have ‘Pure OCD’ so most of my time is spent thinking thoughts about death or hurting people. I know I won’t. I know that. But the person who wants to, in my head, I refer to as my OCD self. One day I feel like maybe she’ll take control. It’s like when I’m driving, she tells me to just smash my car off the road and see what happens. It’s like I have two views going on at once in my head. I can see the real world and then her world, where the car is sliding off the road, other cars are stopping, maybe I’m not the only one who dies. It’s like I can literally see it and I have to tell myself that the real life is this view and the OCD life is a different view.

One day I fear that OCD me will take over. She’s unpredictable, she’s wild, and I think she wants to die.

Note from the editor: 

This is Jessica’s second Wall Post. Click here to read the post she wrote when she was 23.